Catching up on Gossip Girl: "The Ex Files" and "The Serena Also Rises"

"How do you know so many twins?"
"Twins find me."


First off:


The Duchess (a.k.a. the nefariously young-looking Madchen Amick) has my phone!

Exciting, if totally unbelievable, since my phone is 1) ugly, 2) inexpensive, 3) over a year old, and 4) not a Blackberry or iPhone (but it does have Vcast!*), yet also forgivable, since Gossip Girl's frightening adeptness at weaving increasingly outrageous product placements into an ever-consistent, adroitly paced plot is one of the many attributes that makes me fall more in love with her each day.

*I don't know what Vcast is. No one does. Yet Verizon continues to spend millions of dollars in advertising to get its clients to care about something we have no use for or interest in. Last month they even billed my parents for "activating" Vcast on their phones. My parents' response: "Um, no?"

In honor of my near-cameo*, I'd like to make some sartorial observations regarding these episodes.

*Another notable near-cameo: the Fug Girls! Did I also hear something about Moe? Victoria?

1. Speaking of Lynchian, how surreal were those field hockey "uniforms"?

Props to B & S's crew for figuring out how to jazz up a gym costume while simultaneously rendering it impossible to engage in actual sweat-inducing activities. I don't even know what to call most of these accessories. Plus, I suspect Gossip Girl's dialog is so fast-paced and its plot so complex that the writers have started taking bets on how much they can get away with. "Okay, okay, Deb, how about in the next scene -- you know, where the girls ruin Dan and Bland's lunch date? -- how about -- get this -- they'll all be wearing field hockey uniforms! You know, not, like, for any reason... just to eff with Jill in costuming!" "Stop it! Jason, stop it! You're making me piss myself!"

Also surreal (and totally consistent with the world of Gossip Girl): Blair having files on every girl in school.

2. "Are those last season's Tory Burch flats?"

BURN. I realize I'm not on campus anymore and can't say this for certain, but there are probably HUNDREDS of Emory girls who needed to hear that. And who promptly donated their so-2007 leopard-print Tory Burch flats immediately following this episode. I only wish Blair had followed it up with, "Seriously? Those things were ugly to begin with." But alas.

3. Constance Billard girls take some outlandish liberty with the school dress code, especially now that they're seniors.

and

...totally the same uniform. Right? Right.

Incidentally, their skirts hem a lot better than my high school uniform ever did. Must be those Upper East Side tailors and all the pleat workshops they went to in graduate school.

4. Was Chuck's wardrobe on vacation these episodes? Step it up.

And now for a word on plot and character development:

WOW!

Well done, guys. Seriously: Dan taking the red pill; Serena diving down the Slut Spiral (as requested); Blair throwing the temper tantrum of a lifetime ("Never go to high school, Dorota!"); Chuck practically crying (which was a little too much actually; I wish his "My mother died in a plane crash in the Andes when I was 4" had been slightly more convincing); Jenny disobeying Rufus, one-upping ELEANOR WALDORF, and speaking for all of us by announcing Blair's mile-wide victory in the Blair v. Serena non-contest; Bart Bass running a background-check on Lily; and, finally, Lily managing not to sneer, "But Serena, you said it was forever," when being told of her break-up with Dan.

Oh and Nate and Vanessa also did stuff. But seriously! I actually enjoyed watching Serena and Dan this time! And I can neither fathom nor express with fewer than eight exclamation marks how awesome Blair and Chuck are getting. How does awesome that is already the awesomest awesome you know get even awesomer?

Answer: Gossip Girl.