Since nobody does work on Fridays anymore, I might as well go through a quick run-down of all the cultural masterpieces I've managed to avoid in one lifetime. I thought of dozens, but I'll limit this post to the most appalling.
1. (Literature) I've got my bases covered for the most part in this area (no thanks to my scattered career as an English major, half my classes in creative writing where we didn't read anything, the other half on obscure Irish poets and Immanual Kant), but I've never managed to get a good grip on Charles Dickens. He fell through the cracks in high school, and I haven't had the patience for him since. I did read half of Great Expectations on my long trip home from Ireland, but I found the writing verbose and not very beautiful.
2. (Television) Every time I try to watch The Simpsons I end up zoning out after about 45 seconds. This handicap is socially crippling. How I long to chime in with the fans I so admire, and I fantasize about the day I recite a hilarious monologue and the people laugh -- oh, they laugh. Yet to this day I've not watched a full episode, and I'd be at a loss if you asked me the difference between Milhouse and Ralph Wiggum.
3. (Music) It's no secret that I kind of sort of don't really like The Beatles. I neither hate them nor claim that they are anything other than a talented, influential, and even genius (only because I trust the opinions of others) band, but their music has never done anything for me on an emotional level. In fact, it bores me. Chalk it up, perhaps, to Max Douglas, who, sophomore year of college, graciously gave me rides to church every Sunday as well as to an out-of-state wedding and who, coincidentally, only listened to The White Album that year. Combine the fact that, come May, we'd cycled through that god-forsaken CD a hundred times with the sheer ubiquity of the band (I heard somewhere that Michael Jackson owned the rights to many of the songs, which explains why we hear "Revolution" on every commercial for every product ever), and it's pretty simple how a person can get sick of The Beatles before ever intentionally listening to them. Still, they must be penetrating somebody's heart, because I've narrowly escaped a few barroom brawls for expressing even a moderate ambivalence towards America's most beloved band.
4. (Film) My second-favorite party trick is, during the inevitable (in my circles, at least) round of Jedi allusions and Wookie imitations, to calmly announce that never-have-I-ever seen Star Wars. Everyone responds in denial. "No," they say, shaking their heads, "That's impossible." "Okay," I concede. "I've seen Episode One." "You mean you've really never---Episode One? For crying out loud!" "And The Ewok Adventure." (I really did use to think the 1984 made-for-TV Ewok Adventure was part of the Star Wars canon.) "What's The Ewok Adventure?" Then they look at me with pity, as if I am less human for having missed an experience so profoundly magical and formative, so crucial to mankind's collective coming of age. And I probably am. But when you reached adolescence and put on your irony glasses a long time ago, haven't you lost that mysterious component that unlocks the galaxy far far away?
Friday, December 12, 2008
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1 comment:
1.) I recall A Tale of Two Cities being readable. As for Great Expectations, please see Alfonso Cuaron's adaptation of it! (I list the director since it is embarrassing to say "see the Gwyneth Paltrow one!")
2.) I did not know this about you. All I can say is I am very, very disappointed.
3.) I remember this Max character and his obsession with that one album. It's not even there best album, you heard me Max.
4.) I remember this event. First, I prepped the party with Revenge of the Sith but I think that set the tone for no one to watch A New Hope. I also recall a certain Shosh character interrupting the movie.
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